Bedtime Stories

02.08.2012  |  Published in diary

The internet is a scary place. But you know you’ve hit the rock-bottomest of the rock bottom when you’re up at midnight perusing cannibal websites.

I know what you’re thinking – Ke$ha’s album Cannibal wasn’t THAT bad. But I’m talking real live cannibalism, a la Jeffrey Dahmer, Albert Fish. You know, humans eating humans.

At the risk of sounding crazy, I came across the web archive of Cannibal Cafe while researching my all-time favorite cannibal news story, that of Armin Meiwes. If you’re not familiar with the story, look it up. Watch this interview from 60 Minutes. It will blow your mind:

Anyway, here’s the reader’s digest version: The year is 2001 and this German dude Armin Meiwes posts as ‘Franky’ in an internet forum called Cannibal Cafe. From the time he was a young boy he has wanted to eat another dude, and he openly shares this on the forum. It’s kind of like facebook for cannibals or eHarmony for sickos.

As you might guess, Meiwes is flooded with responses. After all, who wouldn’t want to be slaughtered and consumed by this happy-go-lucky middle-aged man?

Some potential victims chicken out just before becoming Meiwes’ meal, and Meiwes, being the considerate cannibal that he is, graciously lets them go. Luckily for him, this one Cannibal Cafe member, Berlin engineer Bernd Brandes, wants to be eaten and is totally legit about it.

So, the two begin their correspondence and eventually meet up at a train station. Blah blah blah. Meiwes takes Brandes back to his home, shows him his “slaughter room” (with a meat hook hanging from the ceiling), and then proceeds to cut off parts of his body. When Brandes finally dies, Meiwes butchers the corpse, sautes a piece with garlic, salt and pepper, and enjoys his meal with a glass of fine red wine.

If that isn’t crazy enough, the entire incident is caught on 2 1/2 hours of videotape.

Meiwes consumed 20 kg of the flesh over the next 10 months until he was finally arrested in December 2002. I don’t know how much 20 kg of human flesh is (never really learned the metric system), but it’s 20 kg more than anyone should eat.

The Cannibal Cafe web page was shut down soon after but through some cleverly-named internet genie called ‘Wayback Machine’ the archive is still available. And it is everything you’d expect from a 10 year old website, complete with a brick wall background, cartoon blood splatters, and lots of email addresses ending in I won’t give the link since it is incredibly disturbing and inappropriate. The crazy part is that you can actually read posts from Armin Meiwes, who posted as “Franky” in both German and English. He wrote the following message on November 24, 2002 – just before his arrest. Apparently he was still looking for victims, and a quick plug into google translate gave me this:

Are you up to max. 30 years old, have a normal body, then you’re right for me. I will kill you and eat your delicious flesh with relish. (ketchup and mustard too? :D).

Please log in “”, with indication of age, size and weight, if possible with photos.

Your butcher


And with that, it’s time for me to say good night. Have fun on the world wide web.

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